I feel so fat. God I feel fat. I'm not. I'm losing weight, but I feel terribly fat. Maybe it has something to do with the bag of cabbage I ate. Perhaps the ten glasses of water I drank. Regardless, I feel awfully fat.
I told der Mann I want to go to grad school in another state... so I can get a job... so I can provide for my family... so I can be a recognized person... he just responds with 'I love you' each time I try and convey to him anything serious like this. I don't get it. Why does he have to dismiss me in this way? How frustrating. How cliche. No. Not cliche. Just absurd. It's not my fault I was blessed with a brain. A good one too.
I never compliment myself, I rarely do. But I am darned smart. If I don't go to a decent grad school, I'm going to regret it forever. I've wanted a PhD as long as I can remember. I've worked my tail off for it. He makes me feel so guilty about it. But I do love him terribly.
I just don't know what I want right now. I just know I want myself...
